News Flash-- Joint Announcement from Ringo Starr and Your Mighty No-Stars

Dear No-Star Nation and Beatles Fans Worldwide;

Ringo Starr recently announced that he will not be accepting anything to sign, nor any fan-mail whatsoever, after October 20th, 2008. This is understandable, in light of Ringo's intense schedule, and his 45-or-so-year commitment to fans and fan-mail (just watch "Hard Day's Night," if you don't believe us... Shake used to lock the boys in their hotel room until all of the fan letters where answered properly, often causing writer's cramp, and forcing the Fab Four to seek entertainment, and some kind of break from the fan-mail doledrums through protracted episodes of sneakin' out the window to cause mischief and mayhem on an unsuspecting public, ad executives, and various type-A television directors). Ringo is tired, and wants to enjoy his retirement, and perhaps a nice hang on the Riviera with Mark Hudson and other cool guys that can afford that sort of thing. Which again, is completely understandable.

But it does leave Beatles fans in a bit of a pickle. Ringo-- the down-to-earth, accessible, "Peace & Luv," really cool Beatle, suddenly cut-off from the masses of fans and swindling e-bay memorabilia peddlers that have come to know and love him for signing just about anything sent to him (I guess).

So we've put our heads together, and come up with a solution that we think will be win-win-win, for everybody except the swindling memorabilia peddlers... What's the answer to this conundrum, you might ask?

Gregg Juke & The Mighty No-Stars will, after midnight on October 20th, 2008, accept all fan-mail that would have gone to Ringo. Simply take any mail or packages (including cards, letters, brownies, large boxes of tribute cash) that were going to go to any of Ringo's various country estates or castles for processing, replace the phrases "Ringo, we love you!" with things like "Mighty No-Stars Forever!" or one of my personal favorites-- "Gregg, you are incredibly outstanding in every way!"; and mail them to us instead. We will also take the liberty to initialize
on all servers worldwide a new program that our organization has had written expressly for the situation, "Grab Ringo's E-Mail 2.0," whereby all of your fan e-mail that would have gone to Ringo will now be sent to us. Again, please change all adoring phraseology from old economy
genuflections such as "Ringo, oh my Ringo!" to something more appropriate to the current reality, perhaps something like "Bret, you are awesome," or "Joel, you are a marvelous hunter," or simply "Gregg, we love you-- here is the password to our numbered Swiss account."

Bruce will have his own fan-mail account. And a line of tabletop bobble-head dolls. More on that later...

So, Never Mind The Bullocks, Here's Gregg Juke & The Mighty No-Stars! Keep those cards, letters, and packages coming.

It was the least we could do, considering that we both have Star(r) in our name.

The way we see it, we have 45 or so years before we have to pass all of this on to some other band...

GJ